Scary Ewoks

Ever wonder where Ewoks go after they die? I mean, is there an Ewok heaven, ruled over by a shiny C-3PO god? Or an Ewok hell, full of everything that's the antithesis of cuddly? Well, these bootlegs should answer that question once and for all. It turns out that Ewoks don't die, they simply become the undead, stalking the night in search of raw flesh. Apparently, when they crawl out of their graves, they don strange accessories, wield bizarre weapons and grow strange, vampirous fangs, all the better for sucking the life fluids from any unsuspecting hoojib or yuzzum that might lurk too close to the Ewok Village graveyard.

This first example is Chief Chirpa. As you can see, the figure comes with a molded-on cowl that's considerably different from the one packed with the Kenner version. It also features some kind of bandolier. Overall, the figure looks like a sewer rat dressed in some kind of weird zombie outfit.

Next up is Logray, the Ewok Medicine Man. And I don't think I need to tell you that "medicine man" is just a polite way of saying "witch doctor." That's right, this is Voodoo Logray, completely with a hellishly red cowl and belt, and a pre-posed left arm. Actually, I think he's raising his fist to smite anyone who might be brave enough to challenge his badass voodoo power. Kenner should have made a "Mojo Force" Logray. I would have bought that.

Finally we have Wicket. Oh, poor, cuddly Wicket, just look at what you've come to. By looking at the production figures on the left of the photo, you should be able to tell that Wicket was sculpted with a firmly closed, even slightly smiling mouth. But this figure has fangs painted over that mouth. Little insidious rodent fangs, like the ones found on the title character in F.W. Murnau's landmark silent film, Nosferatu. He's also equipped with some kind of horn. I don't even want to speculate as to what that might be for. But I'm sure it has something to do with choking underweight infants.

Just something to think about... Kim informs me that these originated in Poland, which is close enough to Transylvania for me.

Description by: Ron Salvatore
Photo: Kim Zoll
From the collection of: Kim Zoll
Film:Return of the Jedi
Category:Toys / Action Figure Related / Small Action Figures (Bootleg)


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